well if I was a pickle I'd live inside a jar
I ain't no pickle so I live out of my car
don't ask noone for nothin work hard as I can
it seems to me that pickles got it easier than man
I say we go on down to the local grocery store
round up all them pickle jars and smash em on the floor
god damn

cuz them no good lousy pickles they just sit there and ferment
they're worse than couch potatoes and my taxes pay their rent
see the problem with this pictures is that pickles got it good
I say we drive them pickles out of our nice neighborhoods
you know they don't speak english can't speak at all
think I might just build myself a little anti-pickle wall
make em pay for it

I don't like them bread and butters I can't stand kosher dills
I've got enough trouble payin for my own damn bills
this pickle problem is serious I can't stress it enough
no and i won't stop fighting pickles till i see em all in cuffs
you can send em back down to that cucumber vine
I'd rather turn em into relish than watch them float there in brine

now people it ain't about their color you know I love my greens
and I'm in support of freedom for all veggies fruits and beans
but somethin bout them pickles just don't sit right with me
and I ain't never seen no pickle jar come with guarantee
keep them pickles off your next cheese platter
but you can keep them kalamatas because we all know olives matter
don't they